Comedy is a cruel mistress, especially if you're already seeing a really cruel mistress.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

To live a happy life. Learn to let go of all that stresses you. You were never in control anyway.

Life can be more human and less tragic

Social hierarchy doesn’t hold a candle to the power of feeling isolated in your own skin.

Teen fiction should be about teenagers - no matter how many arguments there are about what YA lit should be, this seems like the one thing we can all agree on.

Have you ever heard the expression: Walk a mile in my shoes, and then judge me? And write your own books.

Disney was not a good animator, he didn't draw well at all, but he was always a great idea man, and a good writer.

These words are now mine, but soon they’ll be ours.

Obedience is the Christian's crown.

So many young people say, 'I'm just going to see what happens.' It's so much more powerful to make things happen and have a plan.

We're sitting in the dark willing to sell our souls for another peppermint with enough uranium to give a terrorist a wet dream. - Diana