Comedy is a very lucrative business now, but when everyone first went into it, it didn't make sense from a financial standpoint.

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

Women wear heels because they think they make their legs look thinner.

They should love you, just as you are. Parents should love their kids, right?" "You'd think so.

I have zero tolerance for people with zero tolerance.

You know, interesting minds usually do hold more than one idea at a time.

I've always thought that the best solution for those who feel helpless is for them to help others.

This is totally unexpected. I thought I'd be in the NBA or the NFL. I never thought baseball. It's kind of like a surprise. I'm happy it happened.

Each wedding picture was less of a memento than a scar. Proof of some horror movie scenario Katherine Kenton has survived.

Some very famous directors have started in the mail room, which is just getting inside the studio, getting to know people, getting to know the routine.

It's funny, when people talk about the 70s I can tell you the year of every album but when it comes to the later efforts I can't remember the exact years, it's funny isn't it?

There is one spectacle grander than the sea, That is the sky.