Comedy is just complaining in an entertaining way, Enterplaining.

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it, it's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

I flew into sky, yet I could not leave home. I wanted to stay while I wanted to go.

Maybe that's what I needed. Another tattoo. Some pain on the outside to ease the pain on the inside.

Executives of the company must have the necessary qualities to direct the personnel by showing them the way to do things.

Had it not been for James Meredith, who was willing to risk his life, the University of Mississippi would still be all white.

Stop hoping for a completion of anything in life... Do what you love to do, what you are waiting to do, what you've been born to do, now.

What I love is how pissed off Jane Eyre is. She's in a rage for the whole novel and the payoff is she gets to marry this blind guy who's toasted his wife in the attic." -Angela Argo "Blue Angel

The more I learn about Mr. Romney, the less there is to admire.

When I was training to be a pilot, there was a large section in the book on how to drop mail from the plane.

Competition and the market are like water, they go where they want

The best system is to have one party govern and the other party watch.