Comedy is just one of the many professions that women are taking over.

James Franco, acting, teaching, directing, writing, producing, photography, soundtracks, editing - is there anything you can do?

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is the most afraid of getting ruffied? It's like relax. YOU can take the coaster off your drink. There are at least three of us in line ahead of you.

Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.

Justin's fan are called Beliebers because it's politically incorrect to use the word retards.

I'm not saying Martha Stewart is old, but she needs a new Walker more than the 'Fast and Furious' franchise.

Gluten free pizza elicits the same response at a hollywood party that a pile of cocaine did in the 80's.

College seems like a pretty expensive way to become an alcoholic.

If Jesus had known that his image would end up on Justin Bieber's calf, he would've never started Christianity.

Why does every flight attendant seem like they are going through a divorce?

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is most afraid of being raped?

You are often prevented from reaching your full potential because you hold so tightly to your past success.

And shake the yoke of inauspicious starsFrom this world-wearied flesh. Eyes, look your last!

I literally finished 7th Heaven, went up to Toronto, and started SAW. So, it was definitely a little mind change.

Women are skinny for other women. Men want something they can actually hold on to.

Americans are apt to be unduly interested in discovering what average opinion believes average opinion to be.

I'm somewhat shy about the brutal facts of being a carnivore. I don't like meat to look like animals. I prefer it in the form of sausages, hamburger and meat loaf, far removed from the living thing.

Journalism should never be prostituted for selfish ends or for the sake of merely earning a livelihood or, worse still, for amassing money.

If I can let people see a Seungri without any faults for once, then everything I do after that will be a perfect Seungri.

I think I'm not really into the handsome, chivalrous knight; I like the bad boys.

The value of other people is that they have something unique to offer.