Comedy is my passion. I'm going to do this until I drop.

I don't want to die tomorrow knowing I could've had a piece of cake tonight.

There's 5 levels of fatness! Fluffy is one of the levels. There's big, healthy, husky, fluffy and damn.

Why do people measure life by the years instead of how good the years were?

I drink diet coke so I can eat regular cake.

Me racist? The only race I hate is the one you have to run.

Life is measured by how you lived it, not by the years.

With all the classes they offer at school, how come they don't have one for common sense?

When you go to Hawaii, it's all about "Aloha." It means hello, goodbye and I love you.

You live by the cake, you die by the cake.

I had to travel half way across the world to be called an American.

Civilized are not those who never make mistakes – civilized are those who learn from their mistakes instead of trying to justify them.

To care for others is called humanity.

Sometimes we think we are too busy to pray. That is a great mistake for praying is a saving of time.

As we decipher our biology and learn to modify and adjust it, we are learning to modify ourselves - and we will do so. No laws will stop this.

Instead of a national curriculum for education, what is really needed is an individual curriculum for every child

People have said I have a Napoleon complex. But I've always had to fight for everything that I have.

We are a democratic, egalitarian people who spend our days desperately trying to climb over each other.

That becomes the revolution, to be idealistic enough that you think you can change the world, and what you find is you can't change anything but yourself.

I think people are interested in anything that's a little bigger than life and that's colorful and - you know, what they like? They like fairy tales for grownups.