Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

I believe the United States should allow all foreigners in this country, provided they can speak our native language... Apache.

Be so good they can't ignore you.

I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.

I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.

Relationships end, but they don't end your life. But people do often spending more time finding out about failed relationships than finding successful ones.

Relationships end, but they don't end your life.

Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way.

Characters are just extensions of my madness.

nothing but a soul can feel what the heart says nothing but a soul can understand what the mind says.

...yes, in the obscured sky a moon does float, newly, a wishing moon, a sliver of ancient rock, a goddess, a wink.

Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation.

If you start thinking that only your biggest and shiniest moments count, you're setting yourself up to feel like a failure most of the time.

I have a problem, if the light goes on on TV and it blinks midnight, I don't know how to fix it.

Few men make themselves masters of the things they write or speak.

The critical image... must not only fail to capture its referent, but show its failure.

Look at our Lords disciples. One denied Him; one doubted Him; one betrayed Him. If our Lord couldn't have perfection, how are you going to have it in city government?

If I profane with my unworthiest hand This holy shrine, the gentle fine is this: My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.