Comedy, like sodomy, is an unnatural act.

I won't eat anything that has intelligent life, but I'd gladly eat a network executive or a politician.

You offer a sincere compliment on a great mustache and suddenly she's not your friend.

Money can't buy poverty.

Hookers have to deliver on their promise... unlike politicians.

Could be worse... Could be raining

Too old to die young, and too young to grow up.

I don't enjoy anything while I'm doing it. I enjoy having done things, though.

I don't know any jokes, which is embarrassing. I wish I did.

I don't want to be a director. I want to direct. There's a difference.

He made us laugh, he took my pain away. I love you, Lauretta.

People who get up early in the morning cause war, death and famine.

She had an emptiness in her eyes like a ghost tired of haunting.

Faith is believing when it is beyond the power of reason to believe.

In these times, God's people must trust him for rest of body and soul.

Every concept should have a beginning, middle and end.

A man of limited desire will always have less or perhaps nothing to worry and sensibly no fear of losing anything or everything in life.

A person being patient with an insane person is my favorite thing in the world.

People want to join a great story. If you want to lead, tell one with your life.

There's a cool web of language winds us in, Retreat from too much joy or too much fear: We grow sea-green at last and coldly die In brininess and volubility.

Most people stand on the dock of life waiting for their ship to come in when deep down inside they know it has never left port.