Comedy makes you humble. Because there are so many opportunities to miss, and strike out.

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

I believe the United States should allow all foreigners in this country, provided they can speak our native language... Apache.

Be so good they can't ignore you.

I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.

I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.

Relationships end, but they don't end your life. But people do often spending more time finding out about failed relationships than finding successful ones.

Relationships end, but they don't end your life.

Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way.

You know what I realized? No one else lives in my memories but me.

Nine times out of ten the best thing that can happen to a young man is to be tossed overboard and compelled to sink or swim.

Knowledge is love and light and vision.

The criminal penalties [for suicide] are the production of a later and darker age.

Whoever feels predestined to see and not to believe will find all believers too noisy and pushy: he guards against them.

Look for me in the whirlwind or the storm.

I would not have married Dan Quayle had I not thought he was an equal to me.

I don't think my stylist would let me bedazzle my splint.

Sometimes I think He looks down and says, "Wow, look what those idiots are up to now. I guess I better help them along a little.

One of the most subtle and powerful writers of dark fiction - a unique voice.