Comedy to me is all about the bumps and bruises and weird tics.

As a teenager I went all Goth, but I wasn't mopey enough. I would pretend to be, but I'd end up making people laugh.

I've never felt like I needed to change. I've always thought, 'If you want somebody different, pick somebody else.'

There’s a greatness in not caring what people think

Hollywood wants to make women so perfect. Perfect hair. Perfect job. Perfect manners... I know some of the most beautiful women, and they are so weird. That's what makes them funny and captivating.

I watch HGTV like a maniac, and when it's bad, it's like some crazy college guy watching a football game.

I don't associate with people who blame the world for their problems. You are your problem. You are also your solution.

You just have to say, 'It’s pretty damn good. I am right here at the moment and I’m OK with it. I've got other things to think about.'

Even when someone gets to looking like she should be so proud of herself, instead she's like, 'I could be another three pounds less; I could be a little taller and have bigger lips.'

It's like I'm managing to achieve all this success in spite of my affliction ... Would you ever put that in the headline for a male star?

I could eat healthier, I could drink less. I should be learning another language and working out more, but I'm just always saying, 'Ah, I could get hit by a bus tomorrow.'

Fitness means you “fit” into the life that you desire.

The friend that always finds time to spend with you without consulting his or her calendar is a true friend.

Understand now, I'm purely a fiction writer and do not profess to be an earnest student of political science, but I believe strongly that such a law as one prohibiting liquor is foolish.

To run this business ... you need ... optimism, humanism, enthusiasm, intuition, curiosity, love, humour, magic and fun, and that secret ingredient-euph oria.

I think modern medicine has become like a prophet offering a life free of pain. It is nonsense. The only thing I know that truly heals people is unconditional love.

Nobody in America, in the modern generation, has read their mythology or legends.

I think faith is the one common denominator between everything that goes on at the race track - a faith in Christ.

When someone told me, 'Ang ganda mo' I answered 'Sana ikaw rin.'

If we were united and strong, we'd elect our own emir (leader) and give allegiance to him... Take my word, if 6-8 million Muslims unite in America, the country will come to us.

This website is the dream of people who want to change the culture of state government.