Comic-strip artists do not make good husbands, and God knows they do not make good comic strips.

Moralizing and morals are two entirely different things and are always found in entirely different people

Babies are such a nice way to start people.

I had, out of my sixty teachers, a scant half dozen who couldn't have been supplanted by phonographs.

The brighter you are, the more you have to learn.

It takes a lot of things to prove you are smart, but only one thing to prove you are ignorant.

Unhappiness is not knowing what we want and killing ourselves to get it.

The beggar is the only person in the universe not obliged to study appearance.

In all systems of theology, the devil figures as a male person.

There's one thing about baldness, it's neat.

Don't ever slam a door, you might want to go back.

God will create the best opportunity for you. To find those opportunities is your responsibility.

You can vote Liberal or Labor and you’ll get exactly the same amount of funding for your school

To see God everywhere is to see Him nowhere.

If the flag needs protection at all, it needs protection from members of Congress who value the symbol more than the freedoms that the flag represents.

There speaks the man of truly noble ways, Who will not listen to the words of praise. In modesty averse, and with deaf ears, He acts as though the others were his peers.

We want to follow a dream, yes it's true, but it's one thing to follow a dream and another to follow an obsession...A dream is more pure than obsession. A dream is about pride.

It's all about the blanket. Blanket, pillow, and red wine. You should always be asleep on a plane.

Train people well enough so they can leave, treat them well enough so they don't want to.

My doctors told me this morning my blood pressure is down so low that I can start reading the newspapers.

It's never really been that hard for me. I've never had any desire to eat meat. In fact, when I was a kid I would have a really difficult time eating meat at all.