Comics, a lot of them, are really depressed people, and I happen to be somebody that does have a lot of confidence. That's the odd thing about my stand-up. I am very confident. I always was.

There was an old lady who lived in a shoe. She had so many kids... her uterus fell out!

When you jerk off, you're saying "Hey", I care about me.

If it smells like fish its a dish. If it smells like cologne leave it alone.

Little Boy Blue... he needed the money!

I always just loved women, but more important than loving women, more important than sexual stuff, is I always believed in romance.

I've been getting in trouble my whole life and I really don't care what anybody thinks of what I do on stage as a comic.

I'll always push myself because that's the journey of life. We do go through things. Some of it's incredibly great and some of it's really bad.

Even as a stage performer, I have my garb which is leather jackets and black jeans to make me feel a certain way. The wardrobe is really important to feeling the character you're playing.

I might do cartoonish sexual jokes, but it's my way of saying what's going on in the world. How people are animals, really.

If Lady Gaga didn't put on all those outfits, she probably wouldn't have made it in show business. She put a show behind her voice.

Be happy with your soul mate.

We are spending most of our time in American health care fixing the mistakes that either we in the profession are causing or our patients are, without recognizing it, causing to themselves.

All the lessons you need to learn in life, he said, will be taught to you by your enemy.

Weather can kill you so fast. The first priority of survival is getting protection from the extreme weather.

Poverty is when large efforts produce small results. Wealth is when small efforts produce large results.

Let us be a little humble; let us think that the truth may not perhaps be entirely with us.

Knowledge is the only instrument of production that is not subject to diminishing returns.

Nothing so tires a person as having to struggle, not with himself, but with an abstraction.

Peace and love are ever in us, being and working; but we be not alway in peace and in love.

I don't normally cook, but if I did it probably would be beans, sausage, bacon and eggs. I never really get to eat that to be honest.