Comics know that time plus pain equals humor and that we can redeem even awful moments from the past by translating them into a shared experience.

Once we hit forty, women only have about four taste buds left: one for vodka, one for wine, one for cheese, and one for chocolate.

If you know you can do it - if you can already chart every day in your future - then why bother? Choose to do something you have more trouble imagining. Take a chance.

My longing to improve my looks via The Body Shop is being replaced by my longing to improve my looks via Photoshop.

Birthdays are a reward for having shown up 365 days in a row. It's like getting a badge for attendance.

How about "diamonds are a girl's best friends"? Nope. It should be switched around and pointed out, instead, that your best friends are diamonds.

Think of the funniest story from your life. Chances are, it was something awful at the time.

Confessions are like tattoos in that 1) You convince yourself that the immediate pain of going through the process means it won't bother you later on; 2) They are permanent.

Envy is what makes you, when an acquaintance is lustily telling you that she's dating a Greek god of a guy, ask, 'Which one, Hades?'

Laughing together is as close as you can get to a hug without touching.

Truth is like nuclear waste: it needs to be dealt with carefully. Sometimes it needs to be buried way, way out of town. And sometimes it should never be uncovered at all.

Everything is worse...if you think something is looking at you.

The easiest thing is to say no. What's not so easy is telling yourself to stop.

It may not be pretty, but sometimes justice has to be hard to keep the rest of us straight and safe.

Ideas tyrannize the man who has but few.

I was born to become victorious, to become a model, to inspire others and to become a leader.

Law is nothing other than a certain ordinance of reason for the common good, promulgated by the person who has the care of the community.

The legal system is often a mystery, and we, its priests, preside over rituals baffling to everyday citizens.

I am what everybody in my past don't want me to be

Listen to your own Self. If you listen to that Self within, then you find the Truth.

As a professional athlete a lot is going to be said about you - but I just try to move forward and try to achieve my goals.