Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.

Whoever called snooker "chess with balls" was rude, but right.

Snooker is just chess with balls.

The British secret service was staffed at one point almost entirely by alcoholic homosexuals working for the KGB

A sceptic finds Dallas absurd. A cynic thinks the public doesn't

It is only when they go wrong that machines remind you how powerful they are.

A life without fame can be a good life, but fame without a life is no life at all.

Fiction is life with the dull bits left out.

Disco dancing is just the steady thump of a giant moron knocking in an endless nail.

They had a... dog called Bluey. A know psychopath, Bluey would attack himself if nothing else was available.

She was good at playing abstract confusion in the same way that a midget is good at being short.

When you change the way you think about a situation, everything connected to that situation will change.

Every word that is spoken and sung here (the Cabaret Voltaire) represents at least this one thing: that this humiliating age has not succeeded in winning our respect.

I didn't put him in his place. I was acknowledging his blind spot. We all have them. It just takes the right push to be able to really see them.

Happiness consists in activity. It is running steam, not a stagnant pool.

We have to wake up early and make songs everyday. I run my record label. You work at hours where your body isn't designed to work. But it's fun.

If we lived in a culture that valued women's autonomy and in which men and women practiced cooperative birth control, the abortion issue would be moot.

No photographer is as good as the simplest camera.

What I came back to is that jazz is a music to be played and not to be intellectualized on.

I invented the web just because I needed it really because it was so frustrating that it didn't exit.

Fascism is capitalism plus murder.