Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.

Being kind is more important than being right.

I just wish we knew a little less about his urethra and a little more about his arms sales to Iran.

I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.

Everyone starts out being an atheist. No one is born with belief in anything. Infants are atheists until they are indoctrinated.

People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.

Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.

Elephants and grandchildren never forget.

Negative friends are almost as destructive to your life as your negative thoughts and beliefs.

A vote for Mitt Romney is a vote for Satan.

I'll be honest with you. It's beginning to look like I'm not going to get 'The Tonight Show.'

I've often played very strong, flashy, kind of inadvertently mean women. I am not that way in my real life.

What's the difference between Lindsay Lohan and Rick Perry? It only takes Lindsay four and a half hours to finish a sentence.

But how has it happened that millions of fables, tales, legends have been blended with both Jewish and Christian revelation that have made them the most bloody religion that ever existed?

Conceit spoils the finest genius?and the great charm of all power is modesty.

Let's save tomorrow's troubles for tomorrow.

I think many people have an illusion of success based on entering in at a level that's higher than their experiences.

Prayer is a friendly conversation with the One we know loves us.