Congratulation s to Rahm Emanuel on being elected mayor of Chicago. His first order of business after taking office will be to actually move to Chicago.

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.

Introspect! Is your life moving forward or just moving like a pendulum?

Jealousy is only hurt ego. Revenge is meaningless. Life is abstract. There is no point other than pleasure.

Credibility, like virginity, can only be lost once and never recovered.

If there is any country on earth where the course of true love may be expected to run smooth, it is America.

What a man does not understand, he does not possess.

We want to take action out of the desire to contribute to life rather than out of fear, guilt, shame, or obligation.

Right now many schools have no recess. Most schools have no PE.

Faste knew better than to argue with a doctor, since they were the closest things to God's representatives here on Earth.

I just love things that serve a duel purpose.

It makes me unhappy when brothers make babies and leave a young mother to be a pappy.