Congratulations. The fact that you're reading this means you've taken one giant step closer to surviving until your next birthday.

Good memories are like charms...Each is special. You collect them, one by one, until one day you look back and discover they make a long, colorful bracelet.

Your mind creates your reality. If you expect nothing, you open up the universe to give you options. If you expect the worst, you usually get it.

A friend of mine once defined love as finding someone you can talk to late into the night

Some poeple just don't have what it takes to appreciate a cookie.

Oh great. Yoda captured us.

Who, last time I'd checked, was still on our official archenemy list. (Yes, we have to keep a list. It's kind of sad.)

They call me, The Sharkalator

At that moment I had no mind to change, or not change, or throw against the nearest wall.

I don't get a chance to be funny with the thrillers. I like to be funny, and I think I am really funny. So with 'Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life', it was fun to let loose.

I had to give him props, but how annoying of him to be a hero when I was trying so hard to dislike him. It was downright selfish.

Never assume but trust your instincts.

Mother! Believe me, this word is more sacred than the name of Lord Ram.

So, you invite a wild rabbit living in Italy to a party on the island of Crete. What’s it supposed to do, swim there? Its little tux would get wet.

There's only one thing more frightening than being asked to do a book tour, and that's not being asked to do a book tour.

My first love was reading, which inspired me to write.

In this moment, you have everything you need, and life is just a series of moments.

I liked hockey, and I still like hockey.

I'm not here to make money, I'm here to make history.

If you live in America, you don't have to work. You can just drift along in the smiling and nodding racket.

How immense to us appear the sins we have not committed.