Congress shall also create a tax code weighing more than the combined poundage of the largest member of the House and the largest member of the Senate, plus a standard musk ox.

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

(Quoted by Thomas Carlyle) The rude man requires only to see something going on. The man of more refinement must be made to feel. The man of complete refinement must be made to reflect.

When dogs are actually looking at you, they're essentially hugging you with their eyes.

I write short, my words tight to the thread of the narrative.

Time is the fairest and toughest judge.

Covert action should not be confused with missionary work.

You can get a few seasons out of power, even accomplish some things, but over time power can be very damaging to relationships.

There is something so amiable in the prejudices of a young mind, that one is sorry to see them give way to the reception of more general opinions.

I have always thought it a matter of honour for every chess player to deserve the smile of fortune.

It's taken me years to embrace the softer elements of who I am and let that shine some.

The writing is done on the computer, and the drawing is done by hand. I write, write, write, then I hit the illustration.