Constipation ran Presley's life. Even his famous motto TCB— 'Taking Care of Business'— sounds like a reference to bathroom matters.

The simplest strategy for bouts of noxious flatus is to not care. Or perhaps to take advantage of a gastroenterologist I know: get a dog. (To blame.)

I challenge you to find a more innocuous sentence containing the words sperm, suction, swallow, and any homophone of seaman. And then call me up on the homophone and read it to me.

It tastes like water spiked with strange.

The human digestive tract is like the Amtrak line from Seattle to Los Angeles: transit time is about thirty hours, and the scenery on the last leg is pretty monotonous.

It's called the FATLOSE trail. FATLOSE stands for 'Fecal Administration To LOSE weight, ' an example of PLEASE— Pretty Lame Excuse for an Acronym, Scientists and Experimenters.

People are messy, unpredictable things.

Meaning 'by way of the anus'. 'Per Annum', with two n's, means 'yearly'. The correct answer to the question, 'What is the birthrate per anum?' is zero (one hopes).

In order to understand, observe, deduce, man must first be conscious of himself as alive.

I am going to hurt you.You are going to hurt me.But we will do it with practiced fingersand passionate mouthsand I swear to godit will be worth something.

Cherish your emotions and never undervalue them.

It's very inconvenient to be loved. Nearly everyone has found that out, sooner or later. The fewer people who love you the less you will have to suffer.

Yet from those flames No light, but rather darkness visible.

Real wealth comes to the person who learns that we are paid best for the things we do for nothing.

Then it was like a genie out of the bottle and it began to walk all on its own and in directions I did not want.

I may be a dumb blonde, but I'm not that blonde.

Is there anything more dangerous than an ideologue who doesn't know he's wrong?

Television is kind of restrictive in its directing, but it would be nice to get some chops doing TV.