Contact lenses are for vain, weak-willed piglets who swan around showing off: 'Look everybody, I can see without spectacles. No one at first glance will ever assume I know how to surf the net.'

If Iraq's weapons are weapons of mass destruction, surely ours are weapons of growth and nurturing.

Don't yell at people. Stand up for what's right. Put yourself in the other persons place. Respect women. Don't take no for an answer. Laugh at yourself. Don't believe what you are told. Fall in love.

White pants should be worn on two occasions: One, never. And two, if you're selling ice cream.

Now, we're Americans. Technically, who is from this country? Only the Indians, who we graciously let dwell on their native casinos.

I love the nightlife. I like to boogie.

No one is a natural - you have to work at being a natural.

Honesty and unpopular opinions are the toughest sell in a country with an irony-deficiency.

We don't know anything about Scottish history. All we know is that an American guy painted his face blue and somehow they won.

I love animals. I couldn't eat a whole one but I'll split one with you if you want.

You leave white people alone in constant isolation for 2,000 years, and you know what their musical contribution will be? Riverdance!

The secret ingredients to true happiness? Decisive optimism and personal responsibility.

This was the tricky bit. The really tricky bit, trickiness cubed.

Safe?” Her voice was small, timid and delicate. But beautiful. The one word chimed like little bells. Her first word spoken to me.

I've always believed that if you put in the work, the results will come.

Good leaders make people feel that they're at the very heart of things, not at the periphery.

It is not like I have gone crazy, I just don't want to take any chances. You never know what could happen.

I like to hide behind the characters I play.

I think obsessions happen because you're trying to understand something or some urge.

I read all the great philosophers but most people just hear what they want to hear and it makes it easy for them to brand us devil worshippers.

Suffering is the demand that experience be different from what it is.