Contraception leads to more babies being born out of wedlock, like fire extinguishers lead to more fires.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

The moment you think you can do something that you previously thought you couldn't, you can.

If a person loves only one other person and is indifferent to all others, his love is not love but a symbiotic attachment, or an enlarged egotism.

Affordable wedding photography packages are available here, there are three packages and 35% midweek discount from Mon-Thu is available here whether it is half day, full day, or hourly basis package.

Unless we give part of ourselves away, unless we can live with other people and understand them and help them, we are missing the most essential part of our own human lives.

I have a great sense of humor, but it has an ironic twist to it.

I am not drinking now but I cannot guarantee tomorrow.

Is still fulfilling its social function in supplying the consumers with more, better and cheaper goods.

The pleasure that is in sorrow is sweeter than the pleasure of pleasure itself.

That's why it's called Sebastian Bach. I mean, it's a permanent band, pretty much, but if I jam with other people, it just makes a better album, I think.

My enemies can take what they want, but my life is mine and so long as I breathe, it has value. I won't ever give up. Not again.