Contrary to what certain comedians have led you to believe, the national French pastime is picnicking.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

Wishes always find its way back. Wish others well.

I've known no man save you. I can't imagine my life without you aggravating me." Mara"I aggravate you?" Devyl"Deed you do. All the time." Mara

I know nothing at all about women. They are an amazing, beautiful mystery.

If I see a live show and it doesn't have the aspect of danger where it could potentially go wrong, it's not that interesting to me.

In tennis the addict moves about a hard rectangle and seeks to ambush a fuzzy ball with a modified snow-shoe.

To be interested in the public good we must be disinterested, that is, not interested in goods in which our personal selves are wrapped up.

I'm really quite bad at coming up with plot ideas. I like to create characters and just see what will happen to them when I let them loose!

We know that this mad dog of the Middle East has a goal of a world revolution. (On Muammar Qaddafi of Libya)

At some point, practicality requires that you reach out to people in the business. You have to take care of business if you value your work.