Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?

The one you love and the one who loves you are never, ever the same person.

Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everyone I've ever known.

Make me into anything, but just love me.

All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring.

When we don't know who to hate, we hate ourselves.

We'll be remembered more for what we destroy than what we create.

People are all over the world telling their one dramatic story and how their life has turned into getting over this one event. Now their lives are more about the past than their future.

The only reason why we ask other people how their weekend was is so we can tell them about our own weekend.

You can only hold a smile for so long, after that it's just teeth.

Parents are like God because you wanna know they're out there, and you want them to think well of you, but you really only call when you need something.

There is always room in my life for a unicorn.(i.e. fantasy)

If you destroy the foundations of anything, the structure will collapse. If you want to destroy any building, you are guaranteed early success if you destroy the foundations.

After thirty a body has a mind of its own.

A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death.

Life isn't a race to win, it's a school for our higher education.

We are all more similar than we usually realize.

People are like, "Oh, I want to make your eyes almond." I don't have almond eyes! Why are you trying to change my eye shape?

I think love is the core emotion. Without that, and I've certainly existed without that, it's a very empty life.

Jacob was a gift from the gods.

I'm on a frosting sailboat, tossed around by blue-green waves, the deck shifting beneath my feet.