Count your blessings, but not out-loud, at the top of your lungs.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

That's how you avoid becoming a moth, " he says. "Stop asking others what to believe. Figure it out for yourself.

Man is more himself, more manlike, when joy is the fundamental thing and grief superficial.

Simplicity is the soul of modern elegance.

We had a great many horses, of which we gave Lewis and Clark what they needed, and they gave us guns and tobacco in return.

Strive for perfection in everything. Take the best that exists and make it better. If it doesn't exist, create it. Accept nothing nearly right or good enough

I stand on the corner, pretending I am a tree.

The greatest enemy to love is your pride

Culture is one thing and varnish is another.

As life goes on I'm learning to trust myself more, so I am more comfortable - you have to be, doing things in front of people, especially when there's lots of pressure. I have to make decisions.

My mom lived by herself with two kids. Sacrifice was the name of the game at our house.