Crabgrass can grow on bowling balls in airless rooms, and there is no known way to kill it that does not involve nuclear weapons.

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning and inhibit clarity.

I thought guys were complicated. Maybe they are. But maybe they're easy and it's really me who's complicated.

I really wasn't even aware that Batman and Superman had this kind of grudging friendship.

One of the greatest priorities of the church today is to mobilize the laity to do the work of evangelism.

It is not the finest wood that feeds the fire of Divine love, but the wood of the Cross.

The work of the eyes is done. Go now and do the heart-work on the images imprisoned within you.

How many fingers am I holding up?" he inquired. Lucille regarded him blearily and said, "Avocado.

The finer things I feel in me, the golden dance life could be.

Whether you're writing a book or a song or whatever, you've got to be involved in it. It's got to come from the heart I think...that's what it's all about.

I can get no remedy against this consumption of the purse: borrowing only lingers and lingers it out, but the disease is incurable.