Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.

Velcro: what a rip-off.

Black beauty - he's a dark horse.

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one.

You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.

Ive decided to sell my Hoover… well, it was just collecting dust.

I went out on a date with Simile. I don't know what I metaphor.

I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.

So I said to the gym instructor: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said: 'How flexible are you?' I said: I can't make Tuesdays.'

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red.

I took part in the sun-tanning Olympics – I just got bronze.

How to raise sons who respect women:Never give them the opportunity to see you disrespect yourself.

A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advice.

Travel is a state of mind. It has nothing to do with existence or the exotic. It is almost always an inner experience.

Sam looked at me soft. And she hugged me. And I closed my eyes because I wanted to know nothing but her arms.

I know her in the biblical senseand when I say that, I mean I don't believe a word she says.

Even when I was coming through school I was a loner and I used to study music and listen to it and play it and play it, and I was in bands.

Through the cold time she holds me with evergreen devotion she bears up my whiteness.

The Photography is a chopper which in the eternity seizes the moment which dazzled it.

There needs to be a reason to go, so you go deeper into whatever place you're visiting to find those unforgettable experiences.

Anyone serious about playing indoor, you should play outdoor.