Crime in the cities is very discouraging. Apartment house dwellers have locks, bolts, chains and bars on their doors. It takes a tenant longer to get out than a burglar to get in.

When you finally go back to your old home, you find it wasn't the old home you missed but your childhood.

Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all.

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.

A man can please his wife with a box of candy, surprise her with a bouquet of flowers, and make her suspicious with a gold bracelet.

A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime.

Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he's talking about.

When you feel neglected, think of the female salmon, who lays 3,000,000 eggs but no one remembers her on Mother's Day.

It's not the hours you put in your work that counts, it's the work you put in the hours.

Success has a simple formula: do your best, and people may like it.

Computers are like bikinis. They save people a lot of guesswork.

The way out is through the door. Why is it that no one will use this method?

Real change requires you to change your behavior-not just your attitude.

So the experts think we could have an AIDS-free generation in Africa by 2015, even if the mothers are positive.

If you listen to yo momma You won't ever have no fun.

It’s a funny thing coming home. Nothing changes. Everything looks the same, feels the same, even smells the same. You realize what’s changed, is you.

Paradoxically, we achieve true wholeness only by embracing our fragility and sometimes, our brokenness.

She's an idiot. She's looking at life through a selfish, lusty haze.

Fortunately, he'd found that most people were easy to locate at five thirty in the morning. .

Obama passes Obamacare, the Tea Party comes into existence over two things: this out of control Obama spending.

Later in the fifties I got involved in kinetic studies using my long forgotten math background.