Cross my wooden leg, swear on my glass eye.

A gentleman is someone who can play the accordion, but doesn't.

Don't plant your bad days. They grow into weeks. The weeks grow into months. Before you know it, you got yourself a bad year. Take it from me - choke those little bad days. Choke 'em down to nothing.

We are buried beneath the weight of information, which is being confused with knowledge; quantity is being confused with abundance and wealth with happiness. We are monkeys with money and guns.

I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy.

when your down on your luck and you've lost all your dreams theres nothing like a campfire and a can of beans

I like beautiful melodies telling me terrible things.

The folks who know the truth aren't talking.... The ones who don't have a clue, you can't shut them up!

You have to keep busy. After all, no dog's ever pissed on a moving car.

When I was younger, I wanted to be older. Now I am older, I am not quite so sure.

Most people don't care if you're telling them the truth or if you're telling them a lie, as long as they're entertained by it.

We often agree with the devil’s lies and support his opinion about us by our actions

Imagine having a city full of things that no other city had.

Every fact that is learned becomes a key to other facts.

The best models of English writing are Shakespeare and the Old Testament.

No matter what I do now, there are certain doors I have already closed, certain opportunities I'll never get back. There's nothing to be done, I guess. It is what it is.

Take advice, but don't take orders.

It's been said that commitment is another name for success.

So far this spring, 59 American communities have been flattened by tornadoes. Nobody has helped.

Every tool carries with it the spirit by which it has been created.