DELUSION, n. The father of a most respectable family, comprising Enthusiasm, Affection, Self-denial, Faith, Hope, Charity and many other goodly sons and daughters.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

The man of science has learned to believe in justification, not by faith, but by verification.

Reconstructing the past is rather like translating poetry. It can be done, but never exactly.

Those who are long on logic, definitions, abstractions, and formulas are frequently short on a sense of the concrete.

When your whole world is shaken from all the risks we have taken, Dance with me, dance with me into the colors of the dusk.

This is a game of misses. The guy who misses the best is going to win.

On the morrow of each conflict I gave the categorical order to confiscate the largest possible number of weapons of every sort and kind.

Mass entertainment in America has been dominated for a long time by the mode of documentary realism.

When I look at the world it fills me with sorrow, little children today are really going to suffer tomorrow.

Marry for Love, an Heroick Action, which makes a mighty noise in the World, partly because of its rarity, and partly in regard of its extravagancy.

You have to split, bend over backward, touch our toe to our heads to get recognized.