DISCUSSION, n. A method of confirming others in their errors.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

Good judgment comes from bad experience. Unfortunately, most of that comes from bad judgment.- Tara Daniels -

Focus on miracles brings about self-gratification.

To 'see both sides' of a problem is the surest way to prevent its complete solution. Because there are always more than two sides.

Never work with children, puppies or bulimics.

All fables, indeed, have their morals; but the innocent enjoy the story.

What a wonderful thing it is to have a good friend. He identifies your innermost desires, and spares you the embarrassment of disclosing them to him yourself.

Statism, which forces all of us within its orbit, is nothing but a political system of organized plunder, managed by every conceivable type of pressure group.

You are truly Satan's sequined spawn.

The object of all education should be to increase the usefulness of man - usefulness to himself and others.

I acknowledge that I have no idea who the hell I am, and I think that's the first step.