Dad: Honey, have you seen my glasses? I can"t find them. Mom: I haven't seen them. Calvin: (with glasses, to Dad) Calvin, go do something you hate! Being miserable builds character!

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.

Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.

That's the difference between me and the rest of the world. Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!

Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around.

What fun is it being cool if you can't wear a sombrero?

We all have different desires and needs, but if we don't discover what we want from ourselves and what we stand for, we will live passively and unfulfilled.

When birds burp, it must taste like bugs.

The truth is, most of us discover where we are headed when we arrive.

There is not enough time to do all the nothing we want to do.

Selling out is usually more a matter of buying in. Sell out, and you’re really buying into someone else’s system of values, rules and rewards.

Material poverty doesn’t causemurder, rape or terror.Mental poverty does.

We don't get to choose who we fall in love with. If we did, the world would have fewer single mothers.

I'm dying with you before I'm living without you.

Just because a guy rings your bell, doesn't mean you have to toot his horn.

There are no have-to's, just choices

He alone can believe in immortality who feels the resurrection in him already.

You have to do something when you're lying in bed. So you play with your mind.

I will go down as the voice of this generation, of this decade, I will be the loudest voice.

The cover-up, more than the initial wrongdoing, is what is most likely to bring you down.

I like Alexander McQueen's work a lot: he's always pushing boundaries, and he's rough around the edges.