Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

Dedicated to all those who say: "I don't have time for analytics" or "I don't understand analytics".

Losers assemble in small groups & complain, winners assemble as a team & find ways to win.

It seems that entertainment is what most excites us and what we value above everything else.

Some artists claim praise is irrelevant in measuring the success of art, but I think it's quite relevant. Besides, it makes me feel great.

There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.

He was justifying his existence, than which life can do no greater; for life achieves its summit when it does to the uttermost that which it was equipped to do.

I had hoped that the current presidential campaign debates might educate the public as to what is really involved in the ongoing controversy over campaign financing.

I don't particularly enjoy publicity, it seems to just follow me around.

I would say luck and preparation. I didn't dominate WWE when I first started, it was a slow process. I wasn't labelled the golden child from day one, it's been a very long road.

Strip is the power. I'm ready to strip... I think everyone is. In that I'm saying I think everyone is ready to take off masks and pretentious costumes that don't represent who they truly are.