'Dammit I'm mad' is 'Dammit I'm mad' spelled backwards.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

I've had a great metamorphosis in my life. I struggled for a number of years because I was identified with that image of the Seventies.

I'd love to do a musical. I've been known to have a good step or two. I'm half Samoan, you know, and part of our culture is singing and dancing daily.

The goal of social media is to turn customers into a volunteer marketing army

I suppose we all have a lil' inner or outer a-hole inside of us, just waiting for the right opportunity to rear their own beautiful buttholes.

A vegetarian driving a Hummer emits less carbon than a meat eater on a bicycle.

One can enjoy a wood fire worthily only when he warms his thoughts by it as well as his hands and feet.

Writing anything as an expert is really poisonous to the writing process, because you lose the quality of discovery.

Everything in the world finds peace - eventually.

I tried to express through red and green the terrible passions of humanity.

Syria should not belong to one family, to one coterie, or to one party. It belongs to all the people of Syria equally, in all their religious and ethnic diversity.