Debt, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

You see, Dr. Sherrington, ' the devil said, 'we are more alike than you think.' He got up again on all fours looking in the direction of the voice. It was time to face the devil.

To move into what God has in mind for you, it is necessary to discover your purpose, to know where you are going, and to understand the reason for your existence.

The price tag that you put on your soul will determine the people and circumstances in which you find yourself.

I once saw a pin on a Delta Airlines employee and I asked him what the letters in Delta stand for. He said "Don't Expect Luggage To Arrive."

There are no hopeless situations; there are only men who have grown hopeless about them.

Uniqueness is the commodity of glut.

First we'll escape, then we'll play baseball.

but sometimes optimism is the only drug that works. But it’s sadly temporary in its effects.

Laughter attracts joy, releases negativity, and leads to miraculous cures.

Reading to kids is to ordinary reading what jazz is to a string quartet.