Delivering the State of the Union? That bloke couldn't deliver pizza.

Whoever called snooker "chess with balls" was rude, but right.

Snooker is just chess with balls.

Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.

The British secret service was staffed at one point almost entirely by alcoholic homosexuals working for the KGB

A sceptic finds Dallas absurd. A cynic thinks the public doesn't

It is only when they go wrong that machines remind you how powerful they are.

A life without fame can be a good life, but fame without a life is no life at all.

Fiction is life with the dull bits left out.

Disco dancing is just the steady thump of a giant moron knocking in an endless nail.

They had a... dog called Bluey. A know psychopath, Bluey would attack himself if nothing else was available.

Man is conceived in sin and born in corruption and he passeth from the stink of the didie to the stench of the shroud. There is always something(All The King's Men)

A man who has committed a mistake and doesn't correct it is committing another mistake.

I can trust my friends. ... These people force me to examine myself encourage me to grow.

The more innocent they are, the more they deserve to be shot.

It hurts the bald-head just as much as the thatched-head to have his hairs plucked.

Travel is a caprice in childhood, a passion in youth, a necessity in manhood, and an elegy in old age.

What I can't create I don't understand

I came to a terrifying place in my life where I knew I was hopeless. My only hope was to change....or die.

Listen to people and treat people as you find them. There's an inherent goodness in most people. Don't pre-judge people - that was me Mam's advice anyway.

When you don't look at the good things around you, that you lose sight of all those good things. And you're not going to enjoy your life.