Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself.

Unless you are at a picnic, life is no picnic.

I have gained and lost the same 10 pounds so many times over and over again my cellulite must have deja vu!

The ability to delude yourself may be an important survival tool.

It's my belief we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain.

Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person's life. For better or worse. God puts us all in each other's lives to impact one another in some way.

If olive oil comes from olives, then where does baby oil come from?

I worry that our lives are like soap operas. We can go for months and not tune in to them, then six months later we look in and the same stuff is still going on.

One thing I have no worry about is whether God exists. But it has occurred to me that God has Alzheimer's and has forgotten we exist.

I worry that humanity has been "advanced" to its present level of incompetency because evolution works on the Peter Principle.

You don't know what it's like! Hyperactive twins! When they turned three, my doctor prescribed Ritalin -- I wouldn't dream of giving a drug to my children, but it does help when I take it myself.

He lives down in a ribcage in the dry leaves of a heart.

A creator is not in advance of his generation but he is the first of his contemporaries to be conscious of what is happening to his generation.

The trouble ain't that people are ignorant: it's that they know so much that ain't so.

Nothing spoils a good party like a genius.

When I was a kid, I dreamed of using a bat with my own name on it.

What you realize is that a lot of actors want to be directed. They're there to do the best job they can for the director. They have a lot of questions, and your job is to have answers.

Actors always want to be musicians, and musicians want to be actors

We prefer the shadows where we feel safe over the light which exposes us and causes us to say 'woe is me!'

The shot heard round the world.