Democrats believe people are basically good but must be saved from themselves by the government. Republicans believe people are basically bad but they'll be okay if they're left alone.

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.

Being kind is more important than being right.

I just wish we knew a little less about his urethra and a little more about his arms sales to Iran.

I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.

Everyone starts out being an atheist. No one is born with belief in anything. Infants are atheists until they are indoctrinated.

People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.

Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

Social science affirms that a woman's place in society marks the level of civilization.

I mean there are a bunch of people who I’ve heard worship Adolf Hitler who don’t like me because I don’t think Jews have 14 inch fangs and drink blood and sneak around in bushes.

I would hate to be a bee. Be surrounded by bees all the time.

You can see my decision as either a distinctive factor or as a limitation. I don't feel it is a limitation.

Take care of yourselves, and each other.

I bought a book of Mark Twain quotes. That's about my speed. I'll read a couple quotes and put it down.

Marriage is an extremely difficult relationship.

Of all the objects of hatred, a woman once loved is the most hateful.

[Bill Shawn] had always been in The New Yorker immaculately dressed - quietly, immaculately dressed, very soft-spoken. On the phone I could hardly hear him sometimes.

As you learn more and more about the irrelevance of human life to the general mechanism of the universe, the idea of an interested god, becomes increasingly implausible.