Dennis Kucinich's politics are more scrambled than Rod Steiger's dream journal.

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.

We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.

Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.

There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim.

It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.

Lose control once in a while, and your emotions will make your strong. Keep your heart open, and they’ll make you invincible.

Being thankful for the things we take for granted, is worth taking pause to understand that they can be taken away within a moment.

I have discovered the secret of happiness - it is work, either with the hands or the head. The moment I have something to do, the draughts are open and my chimney draws, and I am happy.

I like the name Atomic Kitten. It's so great.

In every walk of life each man puts on a personality and outward appearance so as to look what he wants to be thought; in fact you might say that society is entirely made up of assumed personalities.

You already have everything you need to be content. Your real work is to do whatever it takes to realize that.

The climax of terror is reached when the police state begins to devour its own children, when yesterday's executioner becomes today's victim.

Make no mistake, I always want to win, but I never fight with an opponent. My fight is within me it is the struggle to be the best I can be at whatever I do.

If I talk about what I'm good at, I seem like I'm a conceited egomaniac.

Necessity dispenseth with decorum.