Describing comic sensibility is near impossible. It's sort of an abstract silliness, that sometimes the joke isn't the star.

I think free speech is probably the coolest thing we have in this country, and again, you can label it hate speech and dismiss it, and then you're allowed to censor it.

After years of begging, I got my parents to get me a little Craig tape recorder, a reel to reel. Then I started recording voices, or recording Jonathan Winters off television and stuff like that.

If I only ran when nothing hurt, I would never run.

That's why modern corporate movie making has become so laborious that comedians are kind of kicked out by 50.

You know, sometimes you can't just take an armadillo, put it in the barn, light it on fire and expect it to make licorice.

It's almost like he's started to sound even more exotic the more people started doing him. I don't know why, but there's just something about Al Gore that makes me laugh.

A mom and dad found an S&M magazine under their 10-year-old son's bed, and the dad said, 'Well, we sure can't spank him.'

If she were a President, she'd be Babe-raham Lincoln!

Am I not turtley enough for the Turtle Club? Turtle! Turtle!

I know it's a cliche, but the whole family is just whacked. I mean, we're all out of our minds. They're the funniest, most eccentric bizarre people I've ever met, my siblings.

Survival isn’t all there is to life

To find truth, one must travel a dense fog!

Activity and sadness are incompatible.

It is difficult to deal successfully, he decided, with a woman whose feelings cannot be hurt.

Experts always know everything but the fine points. When I took my citizenship exams, no one there knew how the White House came to be called the White House.

There are silences harder to take back than words.

Don’t talk about the way you are. Talk about the way you want to be.

If you don't know your blood pressure, it's like not knowing the value of your company.

There are two kinds of trouble: The kind you have and the kind you haven't. There are but few of the first sort, but of the second there is no end.

I dreamed that I was being raped by Freddy Mercury.