Diamonds - that'll shut her up... for a minute!

If life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. And try to find somebody who's life gives them vodka, and have a party.

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

You can't fix stupid. There's not a pill you can take, or a class you can go to.

You can't fix stupid.

I had the right to remain silent... but I didn't have the ability.

I believe that a bad Super Bowl halftime show is still better than a soccer game.

I did not climb to the top of the food chain to eat carrots.

In Texas, we have the death penalty, and we use it. That's right. If you come to Texas and kill somebody, we will kill you back.

The next time you have a thought... let it go.

I was so in love with the idea of making people laugh for a living that I didn't care what I had to do to get there. Or how much money I was going to make when I did get there.

The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.

The universe is a put-up job.

Choose to chance the rapids and dare to dance the tide.

I feel that there has been progress made since I was a boy on matters of race, but we have a long way to go.

It's just a temporary thing.

Reality must be expressed by a physical symbol.

I think there's space in the market for a half-dozen kind of polling analysts.

There are lots of wonderful old Italian actors. You don't need to take an Egyptian to play an Italian actor.

Computers are not good or bad; they are powerful.

Insanity is the only sane reaction to an insane society.