Did you ever get the feeling that the world was a tuxedo and you were a pair of brown shoes?

If inflation continues to soar, you're going to have to work like a dog just to live like one

I've never been drunk, but often I've been overserved.

My uncle was the town drunk - and we lived in Chicago.

If you build a better mousetrap, you will catch better mice.

When I go to a party, nobody says hello. But when I leave, everybody says goodbye.

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today -- for tomorrow's gonna be bad enough as it is.

Where I play, the greens always break toward the bar.

I have never been drunk but I've often been overserved.

I've never been drunk but often I've been overserved.

But you hate poetry!Yes, but you make me want to write it.

Anyone can exist. Most fools do. It takes guts to truly Live.

Creating anything that never existed before is not sanity.

When all that you've tried, leaves nothing but holes inside.

If Noah found himself back on Earth you can bet all he would recognize would be the jokes.

The same computers that make it impossible for you to cheat on your income tax can ensure that the blood of your group is in the ambulance that picks you up from a car smash.

Democrats have an answer to the unemployment problem. They're all running for the Presidency.

The two championship years were that significant for me.

My two brothers and I grew up in the theater, going everywhere with my parents when they performed.

I don't particularly enjoy publicity, it seems to just follow me around.