Did you hear about the dog that was so high-strung, he developed a nervous tick?

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.

Call on the Saviour, He will save you.

Women kill themselves because they hope to gain something, " said Kadife. "Men kill themselves because they've lost hope of gaining anything.

So live. I'll be the nun for you. I am now.

Is it not gain to have diminished the faith that it was the duty of the wretched and the miserable to be content with the lot in life which providence had awarded them?

I never weigh myself. But if I put my trousers on and they don't do up, then I don't eat until I can.

Enjoy him while it lasts," I called. "Apparently he has Girlfriend ADD." She looked away, but not before I caught the blush staining her cheeks.

I don't choose what I compose. It chooses me.

I try to not focus on what people expect from me.

I'll give you an exact definition. When the happiness of another person becomes as essential to yourself as your own, then the state of love exists.

She felt like someone who drowns remembering what it was like to still be on the boat, so calm and at ease, so carelessly safe