Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?

Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.

Competition is the death of art.

Have you noticed since Global Warming took hold that all the snowmen look kind of angry?

They say that cats are the only animal that can sit in your lap and ignore you. To which I say: you've never been to the Spearmint Rhino.

The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.

Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.

Women are like pumpkins; you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.

I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.

Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.

To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.

It's the end of the summer. It's the end of it all. Those days are gone, it's over now, we're moving on.

Like a precious family heirloom, freedom is not just ours to enjoy, but to treasure, protect, and pass on to future generations.

Of course, in our grade school, in those days, there were no organized sports at all. We just went out and ran around the school yard for recess.

Human sacrifice! Dogs and cats living together! Mass hysteria!

The sound body is the product of the sound mind.

We see things based on autopilot. Our mind identifies something in a certain way, no matter what the eye sees. The eye tells you one thing and the brain tells you another.

Drawing - it's the first language of human beings, before writing, before even talking, before words, human beings was drawing.

I do think there is room at the very top for marginal tax changes.

In poetic language, in which the sign as such takes on an autonomous value, this sound symbolism becomes an actual factor and creates a sort of accompaniment to the signified.

When I'm single, I'm one guy, and when I'm in a relationship I'm totally another. They're both a good time.