Did you know that the Jews invented sushi? That's right - two Jews bought a restaurant with no kitchen.

Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

My grandfather always said, Don't watch your money, watch your health. So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.

Ladies and gentlemen, you can't please everyone. Take my girlfriend - I think she's the most remarkable woman in the world. . . . That's me . . . But to my wife . . .

It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.

Blacks can get into medical school with a lower grade ... If that's true, a Jew should be able to play basketball with a lower net.

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

On the murder of New York deli owner Abe Lebewohl: It's almost like wiping out Carnegie Hall. A sandwich to a Jew is just as important as a country to a Gentile.

My father was a very successful businessman, but he was ruined in the stock market crash. A big stockbroker jumped out the window and fell on his pushcart.

America is the only country in the world where you can burn the flag but can't tear the tag off the mattress.

I'm a drifter and an outsider. There's not one single environment I can totally belong to.

I'd always been treated like an object, not like a human.

I love humanity, I love the way people look

God's greatest gift to you is your unlimited potential. Your greatest gift to God is to use that potential to the fullest.

I mean some doctor told me I had six months to live and I went to their funeral.

The truly good is he who is one with all those who are deemed bad.

But I'm also a music lover, and I'll always try a lot of different things.

The future belongs to the educated.

The principle of ahimsa is hurt by every evil thought, by undue haste, by lying, by hatred, by wishing ill to anybody.

Condoleezza Rice is a very cruel, offended woman who lacks men's attention.