Did you know that the original title for War and Peace was War, What Is It Good For?

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it, it's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

Art cannot be bought or sold. It can only be created or destroyed.

And, too ignorant to be scared, too young to be awed, Tristan Thorn traveled beyond the fields we know...

Know that everything is in perfect order whether you understand it or not.

Going home must be like going to render an account.

I loved life too much to lust for life.

Whenever I get depressed, I raise my hemlines. If things don't change, I am bound to be arrested.

You can have my credit card, baby, but keep your red hot fingers off of my heart, lady.

I didn't have an agent, I didn't have a headshot. I didn't even know if anyone would know where to find me. I just went back to high school and started playing with my band.

Loving Chicago is like loving a woman with a broken nose.

It seems like the first law of Nature is that everybody likes to receive things, but nobody likes to feel grateful.