Didn't we learn our lesson from Planet of the Apes?

I was mad when I heard The Amazing Race wasn't about white people.

I was kosher until I had my Bar Mitzvah, and I parlayed officially becoming a man into telling my father I wanted to eat cheeseburgers.

I once fisted two babies and then used the corpses as boxing gloves to fight off the grieving parents.

It's all about being a part of something in the community, socializing with people who share interests and coming together to help improve the world we live in.

In New York, we tip everyone. We tip doormen, we tip cab drivers, and we tip bartenders at the bar. You'll get quite an evil eye if you don't leave a tip at the bar.

I like hot dogs. I like eggplant. I like pizza and creamed corn and beer. But I don't like Arabs.

The best way to travel abroad is to live with the locals.

I don't mind it if blacks want equal rights, as long as they mean rights equal to a dog

It turns out Superman is weak to Kryptonite and horses.

Women have the right to choose what do with their own bodies. They can take it in the cooch or in the pooper. But that's where their right to choose stops, in my opinion.

Love thyself first to love others.

The only reason I wanted 'Making Toast' as the title is that it is a simple gesture of moving on. Every morning there's the bread and you make the toast and you start the day.

The vain being is the really solitary being.

I have a record that I'm so very, very proud of, and no campaign is going to take that away.

The important thing about security systems isn’t how they work, it’s how they fail.

Scientific criticism has no nobler task than to shatter false beliefs.

I think that kids have a greater capacity for processing things than we give them credit for.

The one common denominator of all successful people is their hunger to push through their fears.

Everybody's motivation comes from the core of who they are.

The smarter the journalists are, the better off society is.