Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him.

A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.

Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open.

I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o clock in the morning.

When archaeologists discover the missing arms of Venus de Milo, they will find she was wearing boxing gloves.

The trouble with life is that there are so many beautiful women and so little time.

America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin For one dollar and use it up in two weeks.

Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.

You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.

My only regret in the theater is that I could never sit out front and watch me.

There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.

There is nothing to fear but fear itself, " the captain announces from the helm, "and the occasional man-eating monster.

I mean that success has come early. And that is dangerous. Always dangerous.

World with various situations has various relations, don't give conclusions with your perception.

I'm determined that Iran will not get a nuclear weapon.

Place bets on your dreams and be your own hero!

I'd like to see marriage count again among African-Americans and not just in the society in general.

I'm happy to be at home with the kids, in my flannel pajamas; that's a treat.

I don't think film actors need training, really.

I'm Liberace without a piano.

We created a thing called culture and civilization, and now we're about to lose it because we're trying to destroy everything. And I kind of miss it. I miss culture and civilization.