Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.

The best things in life aren't things.

People who live in glass houses have to wash their windows all the time.

There isn't a child who hasn't gone out into the brave new world who eventually doesn't return to the old homestead carrying a bundle of dirty clothes.

Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.

The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.

You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.

If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.

The things that matter most are not things.

This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.

I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.

When God is ready for you to move, He will make your situation uncomfortable.

Inch by inch it's all a cinch, by the yard it's hard. Go for it -- no matter how slow or long the process seems at first.

I had a dream about you last night... we tried to joke but neither could make any sense. We realized that puns are present in every language, though not shared by any of them.

Creativeness often consists of merely turning up what is already there.

It's pretty awful being told you're a racist.

I grew up with the piano. I learned its language as I learned to speak.

I follow Coach Spurrier because he seems to have an entertaining way of communicating.

We need to be more sensitive to each other.

I've always had this strong sense that I know best.

Que le Dieu qui nous tue nous vienne en aide! God who kills us, come to our rescue!