Divorce is the key that opens the strongbox where the bonds of matrimony are kept under wedlock.

Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.

Success is the good fortune that comes from aspiration, desperation, perspiration,and inspiration.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy - and Jill a wealthy widow.

The mint makes it first, it is up to you to make it last.

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.

Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.

This may be the age of automation, but love is still being made by hand.

Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.

Nothing ages your car as much as the sight of your neighbor's new one.

Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.

What Harry found most unusual about life at Ron’s, however, wasn’t the talking mirror or the clanking ghoul: It was the fact that everybody there seemed to like him.

The ruling passion be it what it will the ruling passion conquers reason still.

I'm a very introverted guy, so I don't need to be around people for as long as someone who's very extroverted to get that sort of social fix per se.

When I'm feeling sorry for myself, I'll eat Lucky Charms cereal. I like having sugar when I'm in that mood.

Bright as does the morning star appear, Out of the east with flaming locks bedight, To tell the dawning day is drawing near.

I can't wait to be able to drive, but it's hard. Good driving doesn't really run in my family genes. My mother is possibly the worst driver ever.

There's times I'd rather kill you than listen to your honesty.

Bringing a baby into the world is something I've always wanted, and now I'm completely ready for my life to start revolving around another human being.

I actually have huge respect for Lorne Michaels. I think that guy is really something.

You know, back in the '70s — I remember the '70s, we were told there was global cooling. And everyone was told global cooling was a really big problem. And then that faded.