Do I think there is a heaven? Uh, yeah I do. Like a really big gymnasium. How do I see myself there? With really bad seats.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

How is it possible to have a civil war?

Then Diana puts too many murders into [her stories]. She says most of the time she doesn’t know what to do with the people so she kills them off to get rid of them.

The character who was like me he died at 46, even it was 2008 year so far his name was David Foster Wallace.

The slave begins by demanding justice and ends by wanting to wear a crown. He must dominate in his turn.

Starbucks has a role and a meaningful relationship with people that is not only about the coffee.

Can the water in the valleys ever stop and rest? When the water finally reaches the sea, it becomes great waves.

Television is bubble-gum for the mind.

To try to make men equal by altering social arrangements is like trying to make the cards of equal value by shuffling the pack.

Was there ever yet anything written by mere man that was wished longer by its readers, excepting Don Quixote, Robinson Crusoe, and the Pilgrim's Progress?

The whole theory of the universe is directed unerringly to one single individual.