Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

People approach writers, assuming we pull a perfect text out of our nose each time (well spelled). Spelling is the least of it.

Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a pauper.

For fifteen cents a day you can feed an African, they eat pennies.

gravity, n. I imagine you saved my life. And then I wonder if I'm just imagining it.

You could put half of Trump's supporters into what I call the basket of deplorables. Right? The racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, Islamaphobic - you name it.

I thought it was a wonderfully conceptual act actually, to fire a replica pistol at a figurehead - the guy could have been working for Andy Warhol!

I download TV shows more and more, especially from the US.

All drugs are poisons the benefit depends on the dosage.

Bad times don't last, bad guys do.

There's a sort of absurdity to Australia and the so-called New World nations. I sensed it all the time growing up in Western Australia, which is really remote.